The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
