my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
