Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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