I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
