I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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