what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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