carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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