He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
