Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
