my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
