My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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