I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She announced her abortion via fbk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
