i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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