So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
