Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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