I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
