Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
