who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
