We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Send help, water and tortillas.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
