we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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