ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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