k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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