first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
