I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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