I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
