i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
