I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
birth control should be required to get into college
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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