or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
