i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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