Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
