i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
