did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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