And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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