Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my shit smells like andre
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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