I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
