Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
