"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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