I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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