I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
