evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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