We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
