Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
