If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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