Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
