On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
