I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
