i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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