ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
