take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
