before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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