im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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