i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
a search helicopter?!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
