I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
