I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
