also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
