new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
